Realize three things when you come late, forget to come, or rarely visit your child:
Your child is waiting.
Your child is hoping.
Your child is suffering.

As a counselor, I've asked kids, "How do you feel when your parent doesn't come for his/her visit with you?" Here are three common responses:

"I don't care."
"It doesn't matter."
"I hate him (her)."

Truthfully,it does matter, your child does care, and the hate is really a defense against the pain. Your failure to visit tells your child that s/he is not important.

One dad hadn't visited his daughter since she was two. One day he came into her life demanding visitation rights. His daughter, now a bright, articulate, twelve-year-old, wanted nothing to do with him. I'll never forget her cold hard words.

"Why do you want to see me now? Where were you all these years?"

I remember him whimpering and saying something about wanting a father-daughter relationship.

"I don't want a relationship with you," she said. Nobody can make me see you."

I understood that she needed to protect herself from the waiting, the hoping, and the suffering that she had already experienced. She left the session angry and determined. He left in tears.

To prevent this from happening, I suggest you do the following:

Realize you are half your child's genes.
Remember you are the adult.
Know that your love means everything to your child.
Stay involved with your child.
Keep your parenting visits and be on time.

Become the parent you were meant to be. Prevent your child from unnecessary waiting, hoping, and suffering. Love your child and stay engaged.

Jean Tracy

Jean Tracy, MSS "Granny Jean" helps parents, teachers and counselors, raise awesome kids with solid characters. She graduated from Seattle University with a degree in education. She taught elementary school in Washington, California, and Connecticut.

Inspired by her desire to help the problem children in her classes, Jean returned to graduate school. She earned a Masters Degree in Social Work from Bryn Mawr College in Pennsylvania. Upon returning to her home in Washington State, she worked as a probation officer and then developed a private counseling practice with families and children that spanned 22 years. During this time she earned a Diplomate in Clinical Social Work.

When asked how she developed her parenting books and products, she tells a unique story. "When I was an intern counselor in an old elementary school in Pennsylvania, I shared my office with the janitor under the stairwell. When the bell rang, the children's pounding footsteps drowned out every counseling session I ever had. The office itself had buckets, mops, and assorted cans lining the walls. The light bulb overhead swung back and forth casting creepy shadows everywhere. My counseling tools were broken down toys in a huge vinyl bag. Those toys never seemed a good way to counsel kids.

When I started my counseling practice, I looked for better skills to understand the kids I counseled. Over the years I developed fun ways to communicate with kids, to help parents help their own kids, and build character too. My unique parenting books and products are the result."

Jean Tracy, "Granny Jean" is a wife, mother, and grandmother. She is also an award-winning Distinguished Toastmaster and professional speaker. Her presentations, include:

1. Build Character Now! Practical Tools for Busy Parents 2. Discipline Styles, 3 to Lose and 1 to Choose 3. Family Meetings: This Special Formula Builds Character 4. Teach Your Child Success! 1 Simple Formula, 3 Easy Steps

Granny Jean's presentations are full of stories and interactive activities that will help you as parents, teachers, and counselors build solid character in your awesome children.